


How to save a life

by roosanne



Category: Block B
Genre: Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Suicide Attempt, jaeco, zihyo - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-08
Updated: 2015-11-08
Packaged: 2018-04-30 15:15:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5168576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roosanne/pseuds/roosanne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seeing no other way out, Jaehyo decides to end his life. Could one stranger save his life?</p>
            </blockquote>





	How to save a life

'You can do this' Jaehyo thought to himself over the railing. 'It's the only way''. He tried to push back all his emotion, though the thoughts of how much this way going to hurt his friends and family lingered at the back of his mind. And god, he didn't even want to think about how much this was going to hurt Ji-yoon. He couldn't think about that now, not when he was hanging over this empty viaduct with only his hands holding on to his life. He wondered if it would hurt, the fall. He could vagualy remember someone once mentioning that if you jump in front of a train you still live for two seconds. It was only two seconds but still, it must be excrutiating. 

So this was it. He dared to look down, it was so high. He wondered what would be left of him when they would find them. It was empty now but the grounds down there were a popular hiking spot so it wouldn't be long for someone found him. Well parts of him probably. He sighed and closed his eyes. This was the moment, he would let go any moment now.

''I wouldn't do that if I were you''

The surprise was almost enough to for Jaehyo to let go of his hands but he somehow managed to tighten his grip. He looked back. The man was staring at him with a empathic face while he was smoking a cigarette. 

''Leave me alone! Just go away''  He yelled back trying to make his voice waver as little as possible. This wasn't how it was supposed to go, there shouldn't be any people around here at this time. The viaduct was made for a railway but since it was abounded  it was almost always empty. He'd once found this place when he was hiking around in this area many years ago and had come here ever since when he needed space to think. Never in all this time had he run into another person, and the way the other man was dressed didn't give him the impression he was here for a friendly night walk. 

The other man didn't waver and just took another drag of his cigarette.

''So what's the plan, you're just going to jump of here and be done?'' The blonde haired man spoke. '''Pathetic'' he murmured under his breath.

This sparked anger in Jaehyo. How dare he say something like that, he didn't know anything about him.

''Stop speaking like you know me, it's offensive'' He tried to control his anger but it must have showed through his voice because the other man just threw back his head and laughed.

''Yeah you look like you have it rough'' He snickered looking at the rolex that Jaehyo had on his wrist. 

Jaehyo's face was slowly becoming redder and redder out of anger.

''Just go away, I'm gonna jump!'' 

''No, you're not'' The stranger simply answered as if it was common knowledge. ''You would have done it already''

''Well I can't if you are here!''

''Sure that is the reason.'' He spoke sarcastically before sighing and continuing in a softer voice:''Look there are better ways, okay? This is just selfish, just think about the people who are going to find you. What if it is a group of school children? And who is going to clean you up?'' He looked over the railing. ''God you're going to be a mess.'' 

Jaehyo paled. He hadn't even really considered that.

''I just want to die'' He whispered tiredly.

The stranger pursed his lips and was silent for a while. 

''What about an overdose?" He offered.

Jaehyo considered this, it was less messier. And his parents would be able to actually bury his body. Of course there were a few ''Where am I going to find pills to do that at this hour?'' 

''I have some at my apartment.'' The man answered to which Jaehyo raised an eyebrow. ''It's not like that asshole, they're prescribed.'' 

They were both silence for a while before Jaehyo nodded and climbed back onto the viaduct and stared at the stranger. He was handsome. His face was round and blonde hair came out from underneath his cap. Jaehyo could see he was thin but well build despite his oversized clothing. It was also clear that they both came from completely different environments. Jaehyo was dressed in fancy designer clothes with fancy jewelry to top it off and the other man looked like he just came from some underground rap competition.

''Well, if you're done checking me out, my car is nearby.'' The man snickered and Jaehyo looked away embarrassed. 

''My name is Zico by the way'' 

''Jaehyo''

Those were the last words they spoke when they headed to Zico's crappy car. It was silent, but a comfortable silence. The ones you can have when you're with close friends after years of friendship, as if you don't have to speak anymore to understand each other. Which was ridiculous because they had literally only just met and the circumstances were almost surreal. He couldn't imagine anyone else ever being in this situation, to go to a strangers apartement to kill yourself. 

Seoul. The beautiful city that once had been a revelation of possibilities and excitement for him now felt as a prison. And though he had a clearer mind out in the open where the city lights were far away, a choking feeling of anxiety came over him as he drove through he city streets. Of course they never reached the parts were Jaehyo actually lived and soon they were driving through one of the outskirts of Seoul. 

Zico parked the car in a of the dangerously looking neighborhood. Faintly he could hear a police siren and he realized he would never ever have been here if the circumstances were different. Without saying another door Zico left the car and walked to one of the houses. Watching the younger man fumble with his keys he soon followed after. 

The apartment was tiny. Apart from the bathroom it was one small room where there was only place for bed, a kitchen and a tiny table next to the bed where he apparently ate his meals. 

''Go sit down'' Zico said while he opened one of the cabinets in the kitchen. Assuming this meant on the bed, since there were no chairs or couches, Jaehyo sat down nervously. He couldn't believe this was were he was going to die. How was Zico going to explain to the police that Jaehyo ended up here of all places? Or was he going to dump his corpse somewhere else. No, he didn't know why but he felt like he could trust Zico to some extend. 

Sitting down on the bed next Jaehyo, Zico slammed down a bottle of whiskey with two glasses and two white pills on the tiny table next to him. Pouring the two glasses full he looked at Jaehyo.

''Well this is it.'' 

Jaehyo looked at the pills. It was an unbelievable idea that these two little pills were going to end his life. For a moment he considered just backing out of it, but where would he go? Pushing his doubts aside he emptied the two pills and whiskey in his mouth. They were both silent for a moment.

''I don't feel anything.'' 

''No of course not you idiot, these pills work slow. It will be at least another hour or two'' Zico answered rudely.

'''Two hours?! What are we going to do in the mean time?''

''Well you could begin by telling me why you're killing yourself?''

''Why do you want to know?'' Jaehyo asked suspiciously.

''Boredom, mostly. Besides don't you think I deserve to know.''

He had a point. So he took another shot of whiskey told Zico everything. How his parents were forcing him to marry Ji-Yoon. How they would disown him if he didn't. The stress of having to follow into the steps of your father's company even though all you wanted to do was photograph. All of it. And when he was done he was near tears. It was all just so terribly unfair. Zico was quiet and he looked at the younger man, expecting some sort of pity.

''That's it?' Zico asked with raised eyebrows.

''What do you mean that's it?'' Jaehyo asked him offended.

''You're killing yourself because you don't want to marry some chick?'' 

''What the fuck! You surely don't know what that's like!'' Jaehyo argued back while gesturing at Zico's apartement. Ignoring him the blonde haired man just continued. 

''So what, is she ugly or something.''

''No.''' Jaehyo didn't want to speak ill of Ji-Yoon. She was beautiful, sweet, caring and perfect for Jaehyo in every singel way.

''Is she a bitch?''

''No'' Jaehyo looked down at the empty glass he was playing with in his hands.

''Ah... so you're a fag?''

Embarrassed Jaehyo turned red while he kept looking down. Couldn't he just die already? He had never spoken openly about it to anyone. Honestly he had never even openly admitted it to himself though it was crystal clear. He liked boys and he knew that there was no way his family would accept that. He didn't even knew what his father would do if he found out. He'd probably beat him to death himself so this way was just as effective as that.

Sensing Jaehyo's internal struggle he changed the subject.

''So what do you like to do?''

''I like to photograph. I'm not that good though so it's a waste of time'' He answered honestly. 

''What does that matter, as long as you love it's the most important thing in your life'' Zico answered resolutely. ''What do you love about it?''

''Everything. For me it's not just taking a picture. It is all the beauty you've ever seen, all the music you've heard, all the people you've loved and you take it all and capture it in one image.''

''What do you loving photographing the most?''

''People. Not the staged kind but secretly when they think no one is looking. It's like capturing their souls.'' He looked Zico in the eyes. ''Taking a photograph is like freezing reality but if you photograph people without their knowledge it is like capturing a moment that is purer than reality because I think people's reality is different for everyone else. So the way you perceive yourself or how society perceives you can be counter to what the reality actually is like. So with a photo you have the only hard proof of what reality is truly like and-''

Before Jaehyo could finish his plea Zico had captured his lips. He had been so drawn in to describing in his best words how he felt about photography he hadn't noticed that the other boy had been hanging on to his lips. To Zico no one had ever spoken about something they loved the same way he thought about music and because if this the attraction became almost unbearable.

At fist Jaehyo was frozen while Zico moved his lips against his but when the former stranger moved his hands under his shirt he completely gave himself over to him. Moving his lips back against the younger man he was pushed back onto the bed while Zico straddled his hips and roughly roamed his hands under Jaehyo's shirt. He moaned into his mouth when Zico pushed his lips apart and slipped his tongue in. Jaehyo grabbed onto his hips and tried to pull him even closer. Soon they were both out of breath and  Zico let go on him and fell onto the bed next to him as they tried to catch their breath.

''W-why.. did you do that?'' Jaehyo had never been kissed in his entire life. He couldn't even tell why it had just never come of it? And to be kissed like that, as roughly as Zico had done it, was the best experience of his still young life. 

The other boy just shrugged. ''Because I wanted to'' He said nonchalant as he laid his head on Jaehyo's shoulder while one had drew circles on his arm. 

''Can I ask you something?'' Zico continued as if nothing had happened in between their conversation.

''I'm sure you will anyway'' Jaehyo snorted.

''Why not just run away? Why are you killing yourself?'' 

''Where would I have gone? My whole life is there'' He pointed out of the bedroom window to the center of Seoul. ''All my friends, my family, my home. How would I escape it?'' 

'''Nobody would find you if you were here'' Zico whispered. 

Jaehyo didn't answer. It was too painful to think about what his life could have been when he was spending his last few minutes on this earth. He couldn't help it though. What if he had run away and ended up in this neighborhood? Would he have met Zico? Would  he have taken him in and have shared this tiny apartement and lived together? He didn't even know Zico but the strange thing was that he felt as if he did. At first he had thought Zico was intimidating but now he'd found that he wasn't at all. He was kind and caring. And he had stolen his first and last kissed and for some reason that upset him so much. He didn't want to part from this boy but he was and it was all his fault. He could have build something with this other man and now it was all too late. Involuntarily he began crying.

''Babe? What's wrong?'' Zico asked.

''I- I ..''  He didn't even know how to formulate this. He was a coward and he knew it but he couldn't help himself. ''I don't want to die'' 

''You're not'' 

''What are you talking about? How much time has passed you know it is almost-'' Zico pecked his lips again.

''You're not-''

''It is too late, there is not even a hospital near' Jaehyo cut him off

''No listen you're not dying because those pills, they weren't sleeping pills''

Jaehyo was stunned while he tried to formulate his words.''W-what?'

''You can't die from vitamin pills'' Zico snickered.

''You.. You bastard! You lied to me!'' 

''Don't be mad'' Zico snickered  as he pecked Jaehyo's neck. ''I saved your life'' 

''So..so what do I know'' Jaehyo asked him biting his lip to stop the moan that was threatening to escape.

''Isn't it obvious? You stay here with me, I have some spare money so I can buy you a camera, we'll be living the dream!''

''We don't even know each other'' Jaehyo stated obviously. 

''Look at the sparrow; they do not know what they will do in the next moment. Let us live from moment to moment'' Zico said theatrically. 

''There is no way you just made that up''

''Shut those lips Jaehyo, or do I have to kiss them shut again?'' Zico threatened. 

''Well...'' Jaehyo dared and that was enough reason for Zico to attack his lips again. 

They were together from that point on. It wasn't always easy. Jaehyo was used to a different lifestyle and since Zico made his money by underground rap contest (Jaehyo had been right about that) they fought a lot. Zico encouraged Jaehyo to write his family a letter after a few weeks of living together where he explained everything and told them they could visit Zico and him whenever they wanted. They never did though this was no surprise to Jaehyo. But he didn't have a lot of time to think about that. He'd found a job as photographer and in his spare time he photographed people secretly. Mostly Zico, some pictures he eventually showed at his very own art show though there was some pictures so intimate he never showed them to anyone. It was a difficult life, but it was wonderful and beautiful and Jaehyo wouldn't have it any other way. Life was beautiful if you could spend it with the one you loved.

**Author's Note:**

> It's kind of dark and long and to be honest I don't think many people will appreciate this story but for some reason it felt important for me to write this story, even though I have no idea why. Anyway I hope you will like it whoever you are and that if you're struggling with these thoughts and want someone to talk to, you can always message me!


End file.
